tumblr now.

http://heyyykayyy.tumblr.com/

idk,

what to say anymore, or what i want anymore, so much in my mind, but i dont even know what. im feeling so depressed. it sucks.

i'm such a fool,

knew perhaps ill regret it, but idk.

& you guys, thought for once, its different, i have people to depend on, to have fun with, but i guess you guys have more fun without me, ask me like two hours later, whatever, ill get over it.

why do i even try to fight back, you guys will never be staisfied with me, just wait another two and a half years.

everyones telling me to just yeah, but somethings pulling me back. idk.

it sucks that my lowest grade is conditioning -__- cuz i cant run! wow. -__-

i hate facebook. see stuff that just makes everything worse..

fml, they wont even let me go to the gym when its the only place i can go when i wanna go out -_- cuz its rainning, i suck at driving in the rain... now im stuck at home again. why is there traffic from big bear? :( ugh.

the end. 011710

it really hurts,

when you know someone you love judge you over something you did, and changed the way they look at you. even if its only sometimes, or whatever, but it still hurts, a lot actually, out of everyone, the one that you thought would be there for you the most, the one that wouldn't judge you cuz they know you, maybe love you, just what, tell you they think of you differently too. even they got over it, but when they think about it, they still think you're different and changed for the worse. yeah,its stupid, but it hurts too. whatever. i don't know what to say anymore.


you, thanks for stepping back in my life, i don't know how and when did this happen, but you came back, and helped me through the times i needed someone the most, you know me too well to let me lie to you and say i'm fine. you're a great friend.


phone died, don't bother charging it, it just makes me cry anyways. sorry if i don't text back.

i'm kay hou,

i'm sixteen, i love hello kitty, and i'm obsessed with bows, i eat like a monster, i can finish a medium pizza by myself. my nails are always painted, its just something i do when i'm bored. i came to america three years ago, i'm not that smart like those people in IB, but im still getting straight As for now. i'm not skinny, i'm whatever, but recently, i have trouble pulling up my jeans. i'm not pretty like those girls we talk about on facebook and wretch, i'm not popular, but i'm satisfied with the friends i have. i'm not rich, no one knows the whole story of my family, maybe some parts, but not everything, no one knows what really i've been through, you don't deserve to judge me for it.

i'm not your ex. just cuz you went through all that with her. its not fair you treat me like this for stuff she had done. you live in the shadow of all that cheating and shit, but who says i'm like her? i'm not her, but now, seriously? my friends too? no, i'm not saying anyone in particular, its not, "he means that much to you" i just don't like losing friends. i don't have much i talk with to begin with, and now you want me to give this up too? trying to get down wont solve anything. why don't you just trust me, that i love you? who cares about what other people think? and i chose to be with you, and why don't you believe me, nothing happened that night? i know my limits, and nothing happened to the two friends too, one didn't feel well, but i made sure she was okay. that doesn't mean something happened though. and the other made sure nothing happened to us too. and it was my choice, so stop blaming other people.
just cuz now you finally stopped texting girls, means you can finally bitch at me about texting guys? yeah yeah yeah. its always my fault. whatever. did i go bitch at those girls you use to text? did i even bitch at you about it? did i not allow you to talk them? and dude, that girl, she was a different story. you just assumed, what do you mean we treated her like shit? you don't even know the whole story, none of us treated her like shit, we weren't the one giving glares and stuff, so now its our fault too? and you had to go apologize? yeah, i was angry. cuz i didn't do shit wrong that you need to go apologize for, if you think i did something wrong, say it to my face. stop assuming and deciding everything for me, like what you did couple nights ago. if you guys don't want to put too much stress on me, you guys say i dont need it, then, you wouldn't have went in the first place. i don't know what to say anymore, i'm disappointed? i don't know if thats the word for it. i don't know how i feel anymore. trying to express my feelings to you doesn't seem to work anyways.

it's nobody's fault. so just drop it, stop blaming yourself / others.

im sick of,

always being the good girl,
and always taking the blame.

be selfish for once,
why cant i have fun?

dont judge me.

i hate,

hypocrites.

ups and downs, but whatever.
im learning how to have fun and live life.

goodbye.